Breathe....breathe

I cannot believe December is almost coming to an end. And Christmas is next week! Oh my goodness! What happened to December?

The last three weeks have been crazy. I went for youth camp in Rompin. It was the best camp I ever had. The speaker was superb! His sharings are all still etched in my head. I can remember every message he preached and every joke he told. I can only say God did a really deep thing in the hearts of the young people. Wednesday night was powerful, with the youth ending with one-to-one confession to their leaders. I believe this really give the leaders an opportunity to work with these youth in a closer way. There is now accountability which I always feel that is lacking in the lives of the young people. They are so much into seeking independence that they are almost not accountable to anyone, including their parents. Alot of the stuff they shared are stuff that they dun even share with their parents.

Then was my last-minute Christmas shopping on the following Monday. I was so proud of myself though. I only spent two hours but i managed to get gifts for W, his mom, some friends and kids. BUT I spent a total of $200!

Then came the practice for the special song item in 7&8. I left the practice on Monday night wondering if we ever gonna sound right. The 2nd practice on Thursday gave me a little hope but there is still alot of work on blending and harmony. Some of us really sound like we are going to pop a few blood vessels. Praying really hard that tomorrow night's practice will redeem us.

Looking forward to seeing some old friends at the Christmas Eve party. It will be quite a get-together.

Hope I will be able to blog more regularly from now. I hope...

Far from settling down

People always ask "So when are you settling down?"

The real question is of course "Are you going to ever get married?"

I did. I got married like 17 weeks ago. And the irony is I am far far far from being "settled down".

First and foremost, we have no place of our own. We are still on a house-search, looking to see if there is any way we can get a flat from the open-market in this crazy time. Sellers are asking for ridiculous price of 50-80K above valuation. How would an average newlywed couple have some much cash in hand? Madness....so we are kind of looking around and not really thinking we gonna get anything now. One way is to wait for HDB to release new flats. But most of would take another 3-4 years for them to be completed. So, conclusion? No place of our own in the immediate near future. There goes my "settling down"....

Secondly, we are seconded to this region to help with the ministry there for an interim period of time. The new region is different from the two previous regions that I have been in. Also my third region in 6 months. I have been to half the church now! Beside adjusting to marriage life, I am also adjusting to a brand new region and working with a brand new group of people in the ministry. Sometimes I ask myself if I am crazy to accept this role. But for the sake of my better half, I think the move is good for him. He really needs to be mentored and pushed out of his comfort zone. So grit my teeth la. Also feel that this move is divinely orchestrated by God to help my MIL be less clingy to his son. So again, these goes my "settling down"....

Thirdly, our current rented place will soon be a thing of the past. Our landlady has sold her place recently. We will have to move out of the S flat by end January. Like the saying goes "All good times have to come to an end". Honestly, I cannot gripe about this. Cos this place that we have been staying has been a miraculous provision of God. We are paying only $400 for the use of the whole flat! Also, we get all the privacy we need cos the landlady comes back only in the weekend when we are back in H. So now, after thinking and pondering, after many considerations and re-considerations, I have proposed to my husband that we move back to stay with his mom in H. Am I crazy? Maybe I will be crazy after I move back. Well....My rationale. One, we can save the rental money. Two...I believe we need some sort of a trial period to see if his mom is really live-able with. W is stuck with his mom. None of his siblings are able to take her into their home. My theory is if we can't even live together now in H, then she will not be live-able with in our place in future. This is to give all of us an opportunity to try to live together. Cos by the time she move into our place, we are stuck! So again....another adjustment. There goes my "settling down"....

Fourthly (you are probably regreting reading this entry now cos I am writing an epistle! Hahaha), if God is willing, we are planning for a kid next year. No...we are not keeping a goat. A real baby!! I know it's a little fast but my biological clock cannot wait la. I'll be 34 next year. Sigh....sigh. So you think I am ever going to be "settling down"???

So next time people ask if you are going to settle down? You know how to refute them now.

Reflective mode

"You are one of the most patient person I have seen"

Instead of being flattered by these words, I pondered for a long time after putting down the phone. I used to think I am patient. But lately, I doubted. Cos I find myself losing my cool so many time times when i deal with people and my loved ones. Outwardly, I may look nice and cool but deep inside, I wish I can scold them upside down. Even lately, when I was praying for myself that I would cultivate all the 9 fruit of the HS. I happily skipped praying for patience cos I dun want to be tested in this area. Someone said, "Don't pray for patience unless you are ready to be tested!". I'm not ready cos I know I won't make it. Hahaha....

Had some of the youth over for dinner on Monday night. It was quite fun. I cooked chicken curry, stir fried beef & broccoli and sambal kang kong. We ate and yakked abit and watched the last episode of the 9pm mandarin drama. By the end of the day, after washing up and cleaning myself up, I was totally exhausted. Crawled into bed...zzzz

Headache

Headache....I'm having headache.

Probably due to sleeping late last night.

Maybe I'm getting weekend blues too. It would be so nice if there is only Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday in a week. I don't care for the weekend.

Sigh....sigh....sigh again!

What do I know?

I can never fall asleep on my job.
Because it's so interesting.
There is always new stuff that I will be doing...stuff that I have never done before or dream myself ever doing them.

For now, it's a jamming studio.
I need to get a jamming studio up running by end of November.
You know, for me, setting up a home dvd player with surround sound system is already a big achievement for me. Let alone a jamming studio. Ha!

BUT the good thing about my role is I can get the expertise of others, the youth!
Actually I realise I like to kick off new things! I like to start new projects.
There is always electrifying adrenaline pumping and excitement when I do these.
I just hate to follow up and chase people all over.

Jamming studio...what do I know about jamming studio? Ha...

Missing...

Missing my dad, missing my mom...
Missing my grannies....missing a place called home.
Me in "missing" mode today.

Perhaps it's the rain that's making me melancholic today.

Alright....cheer up. Shake out and get going!

Back to work now....

Words of wisdom

"Whenever you focus your attention on what the other person is doing, you take away your own power. You make yourself weak. In focusing on the other, you try to control things you can't control. For that reason it's an exercise in total futility, inefficiency, and ineffectiveness.


When you focus on yourself rather than on the other person, you vastly increase your odds of being able to enjoy some impact and influence over the relationship problem that bothers you."

Words of wisdom indeed...

Looks like I need to stop focusing on what I cannot control. Sigh...guess life is like that. We waste alot of energy thinking, worrying and fretting over stuff that we completely have no control. I need to go into some cave and train myself on this. Ha...be remote.


I come to realise what someone said about me is very true. When I reach saturation point in my emotion, in order not to be further aggravate, I distant myself from that thing or that person. Sort of a defence mechanism. I shut myself.

On the bright side, for my birthday last week, my darling bought me a bottle of perfume that comes with a little purple bear. Pretty cute (i mean the bear). The scent of the perfume is a little too rosie for me but it isn't too bad. Guess it's growing on me. Then on the actual day, we went to Hard Rock Cafe for dinner. Shared a main course, a soup, a salad, one starter, two drinks and a mud pie. Oh...not forgeting the flowers! Well...I am contented la. No complains whatsoever...


One thing I must say, W has been quite patient with me. I have learnt to appreciate this strength of him. There is this one thing that he does which I am always secretly pleased. It's when he pray for us, for our marriage. It's like this standard yet sincere prayer that he utter for God to help us in our marriage. And he also make it a point to thank God for bringing me into his life.

Guess I just have to focus on these good things that God has put in my life so that the not-so-ideal stuff are overshadowed and become insignificant.

And one more thing....we are confirmed going to MGS this year!! I'm so glad we made it cos he was so unsure about his leave application. Looking forward now to 29 Nov. Heard the response this year is overwhelming. Hooray!!

The Ultimatum

I think I had the last straw now with her.

My mind is set too. I know this is going to be tough for W but she is CERTAINLY not going to stay with us.

Last Sat, W told me that she went on her usual gripping in the afternoon before his RT. Then at one point (dunno what they were talking about...he also cannot remember), she actually asked him if he is giving in too much to me? Next one is the best, "Are you henpecked by your wife?"

All hell literally broke loose when I heard these words from my husband. Whatever little compassion and respect I have had for her shattered into dust. I cannot imagine anyone would say these things to their children. What is she thinking? What is her motive? We are only married for 3 months and she is already trying to sow discord between us?!

I regret thinking for her welfare and considering for her needs. Just the same morning, while having breakfast with W, I went to pack this really nice porridge for her, thinking that she would enjoy it.

I couldn't even bring myself to talk to her the next day. I fear I would bite her head off.

This is really too much...totally nonsense.

Does threatening work?

W got a call from his mom to ask when we will be moving back with her. He told her we won't be moving back till we get our new place.

She terminated the call with these words "You will regret..."

I dunno about this....but I personally do not take 'threats' very well.

Honestly, one part of me is hoping that we do not need to rent like we are doing now as we are spending $400-500 extra every month just on rental. I could jolly well put these money into the bank and smile at the end of every year with a few thousands in our saving.

BUT I honestly cannot stand the thought of moving back to stay with her.
Simply for the following reasons:

> No privacy and boundaries - She doesn't value privacy, let alone knowing where her boundaries are. She used to always come into our room until recently when W told her off. Din take it well but at least it has stopped her wandering in sometimes. She likes to interupt our conversation. She has to 'win' in every arguement. She doesn't take 'no' very well. Basically, she wants to have the final say in everything.
> Repetition - She repeats herself over and over again. You can hear the same thing like umpteem times.
> TV - She turns on the TV in the wee hours of the morning. I am a super-light sleeper and the sound of the TV just wakes me up. Also she like to talk to you when you are watching TV.
> Her expectations - I have become the maid in the house now. I will be the one to wash up the stuff after dinner. There are silent expectation to wash her slippers and do some stuff in the house.
> Cleanliness - How about not washing your hands after visiting the toilet? Not to mention about the stuff you see on the toilet seat and floor. How about using your hand to touch and choose pieces of food when it's shared by everyone? Best part is when confronted, she said "This is how you have grown up....eating my saliva".
> "I am your mother" mentality - This is the most ultimate of all. Mother of all evil and root of all problem. In her mind, because of this fact, she has made things rather difficult. She doesn't even realise that her son is married.

Well...I think I should stick to our decision and stay out as long.

Just the thought of moving back to stay with her makes me DEPRESSED....

Do you get my point?

I'm back to work....
I'm back at work...
I don't want to work...
It's Tuesday blue. I get it every Tuesday (obviously!)

Man work to earn a living but they almost all the time end up working as if work is their only objective in life.

I always believe in living within our means. But the problem is we also tend to want to pamper ourselves abit cos we have worked so hard. And we end up pampering ourselves all the time cos we worked so hard all the time. Then we find ourselves working harder so that we can continue to afford to pamper ourselves.

Do you get my point?

Where to start ar??

> Finalise XXXX competition
> Tie up 2008 T Ctr
> Prepare a sermon
> Chase camp committee
> Organise bbq for P6 students
> Plan 2008 activities and budget
> Organise dance and guitar class for holidays
> Some more....some more....but cannot remember for now!

Maybe I should just switch off my computer and go find one corner and sleep.... ;p

Tada...Unveiling the brand new look!

Hee.....I always marvel when I go to people's blog and see all the fanciful stuff they feature in their space. Now I am also getting quite pleased with myself. Cos I have attempted to beautify mine.

Well...one thing for sure. You're not going to find pictures of me. Still not too comfortable with putting my photos on the blog. At least for now, there is some level of confidentiality and freedom to express myself without the embarassment of being 'found out'.

Not sure if I ever have the courage of broadcasting this blog to my friends or loved ones. So far, I know of only one person who check this blog. Others who find this blog must have discovered it by chance. When I was naming the blog, it took me a long while to come to this name. And I still think it fits me perfectly.

Depending on my creativity juice and work schedule....blog shall be subjected to more construction. Ha...ha!

Spare me a minute?

Can anyone be so busy to the point that you cannot spare a minute in the day?

I seriously doubt so...

What is 'a minute' to you?
- It can mean life to the person battling for his last breath.
- It can mean eternity to the mother who cannot find her child.
- It can mean a world to one who hears from her lover.

Never underestimate what can happen in a minute...it may be insignificant to you, but it can mean a whole lot more to someone else.

2.3k Rock

One of my friends is staging his proposal. He bought a ring that costs 2.3k!! Wow....I must say I am very impressed by his generosity. Well....he has always been a very generous person. And a good man. Ha...(hope he'll never discover this blog. If not, he will swell).

Last week was terribly hectic but fruitful. I came out of it physically tired but spirtually refreshed.

I read this last night and thought it is pretty interesting. The author says to treat your spouse with respect and love because your spouse is God's son/daughter. If we fail to do so, we are not only failing our spouse but we are also grieving God, who jealously guards his own. This is the first time I have been given this perspective. And I, of course, made my husband read it too! Ha...

Meeting up with a friend that I have not been keeping in touch for ages. We started our communication briefly just before I got married. I was so glad that she made it to the wedding. She dropped me an sms early last week and initiated the dinner, which is a surprise to me. Well....I'm looking forward to it. We have planned to go eat at one of my favourite place!

It is going to be three weeks of "bossless days".....

I am a fighter!!

It dawned on me this morning that I would have been to three regions within a period of 4 months! Looks like the name of this blog is perfect for me.
We have been shuttling between two homes since late July. I can't complain on that one. At least I get the privacy that I need (I should say "we both need"). Staying with an in-law is a definitely no-no. I have come to understand why the principle of 'leave and cleave' is so important. I feel like I'm being constantly watched by my MIL.
I was asked if I look forward to going to the new region today. Hmmm...I pondered on the question for a long while and still couldn't answer it honestly. It's a mixed feeling la. Sad to leave behind some friends I've made in the current region. Happy to find a place that we can both start afresh.
We had a long talk last night. I needed to say all that is in my heart, this time, without reservation. I feel like I'm a fighter last night. I was fighting for what I love and possess. I just cannot bear to see things go on the way it is.

D-day

Today is the day! Tonight is the night!!

Having mixed feelings about the meeting. My PMC counselors are meeting my MIL. The meeting is to address some issues that we are struggling with her. I feel that there are two ways the meeting may go. One, she may just accept everything that is they bring up and we get the blunt of it after they leave. Two, she may just hit the roof! Honestly, I rather she do the latter. Problem is the issue of the ‘face’. Sigh…nerve-wrecking.

Some exchanges on the sms with someone about the situation. I know she has good intentions messaging me those words but they are so hard and cold to me. Felt that they are good advice but not empathetic at all. It’s like telling someone who is going thru struggle “This will make you stronger.”

My work ‘to-do’ list is starting to look really impressive. Funny thing is it makes me feel happy though. At least there are some concrete things that I can embark on. Motivation is the word. I need motivation. I need motivation. I need motivation.

Leading this Sunday and I have not even got my list. God help me…. Realise something always happen the week I lead. Warfare? Maybe….or my life is just full of them. Ha!

Hope that the day will end well…..will it?

let me try again

Kept one blog earlier but posted only one entry.

I am more determined now to upkeep a regular one. Need a space to talk about the crazy stuff that comes along in my everyday life.

So let's see how discipline I am now to upkeep this blog.

Welcome me to my blog!! :)